I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
