I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
