Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
