You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
