i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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