just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
