just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So. Much. Porn.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize