I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
