Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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