Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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