So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
