I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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