I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
