So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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