So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
