How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize