Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
