I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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