My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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