I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
