Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
