I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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