this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
