I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
