the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
