oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize