life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
