You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
