Already got asked if we're dating
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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