god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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