I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
