It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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