im about as happy as oj after his trial
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
