In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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