if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
