its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize