Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
