he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
