I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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