so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
