I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
