hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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