My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
