dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
