I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
