You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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