just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
