Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
