I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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