I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The beer is more important than you right now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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