smell my finger.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
