Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
