I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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