I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
