I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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