Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
