my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
