I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
