i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
