I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Be still, my beating vagina.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
