so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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