Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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