Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize