well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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