he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
