it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
