My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
