if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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