just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
