Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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