Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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