this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
