my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
