I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
