I wanna bring you to show and tell
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
