go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
