They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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