You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I believe in your delicious
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
