if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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