I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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