he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
