Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
