how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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