Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize