I heard we made out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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