Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
