im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
