I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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