hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
