my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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