So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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