I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
