I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize